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No Excuses

Sorry folks. It has been a hectic few weeks. It is so nice out and we are spending alot of time outside. My husband is studying for his MCSE exams and it has left me with the kids much of the time looking for things outside the house to occupy them. I usually get them to bed and pass out myself. So, the bad blogger I am.

I have also been thinking alot about what my friends Cecily and Sue have written about Mommy Blogging. I think that they both addressed some interesting things about Mommy Blogging and parenthood. In becoming a Mom it can be one of the most life changing experiences a woman can have. All you worked to become can change the minute the small baby is born, especially for us who waited till after our mid 30’s to have a family. Much of this is breathtakingly wonderful but it can be bone achingly isolating. So many friends without children can fall by the wayside with the baby’s arrival. Mothering can be so isolating. Beyond the classic stay at home Mom vs working Moms, there is the work from home Mom’s and the part time working Mom’s who fit in neither of the above camps. All these categories are set up for judgments and divide women. I have seen these divisions in action and I think they are all a load of crap not to mention all the parenting styles and the arguments of my style is best. Suddenly Mommy blogging came on the scene. Mommy blogging can go a long way in keeping the isolation at bay. You can find women with similar parenting styles, with kids who have similar issues, who are as trapped in the house by weather, or trying to juggle work and kids like you are. Suddenly the world is smaller and a stressed parent is not alone. Now Mommy Blogging is judged. Are we supposed to forget that this life changing event that has taken over our lives never happened as soon as we log onto the internet for the sake of our children’s privacy or to keep poop off the internet??

I choose to keep my kids identities private but think that it is ok if someone chooses plaster their blog with their kids names and photos. It is a personal choice that I doesn’t need to be judged. Blogs are a small part of someone and the choice is theirs. I rarely see things about kids in a blog I would consider exploitive. C’mon people leave the Moms alone and let it be. Kiddie porn is exploitive not Mommy blogging.

The Cycle of Life

It has been a real cycle of life day. Cecily has a post up about a friend who committed suicide. I run into this every so often and I really could relate to her feelings of knowing someone at another time and another place and have them die so needlessly. It was at one point I thought I would loose her that way. Cecily, Sarah and Charlie were so mired in addiction that I prayed for them regularly. I remember hearing reports about their decent into full on insanity. I had to cut myself off because it hurt so much. I missed Cecily’s wedding to Charlie because I was afraid to get emotionally involved, and I will always regret that. Then we almost lost her with her pregnancy with the boys, Zachery and Nicholas. I was there for all of that but then again I kept my distance because I got pregnant the day she lost the boys, with Baby A. I would visit her and try to ignore that I was pregnant. I missed her 40th birthday this weekend and I was disappointed and sad to miss her celebration of life. I have known so many who never made it. It would of been nice to celebrate with her, Charlie, and Tori.

This weekend my Mom and Dad came to visit. My Dad is a WWII veteran. He aged this winter more than I thought he would. He let Wildman and Baby A crawl all over him and he was happy with it but it bruised him up. If he makes the next year I will be surprised. He looks unwell and needs to see his doctors in NY. Seeing him made me sad. I didn’t appreciate him enough, I didn’t spend enough time. The guilt is rearing it’s ugly head, but I am glad the boys have this time with him. We will visit him in NY for my sisters 50th birthday in June and we will visit again in July. My husband is on board because he can see the decline and I am scared.

DeeDee II died as my parents arrived.

The Dreaded Bi-Annual Parental Visit

Well I guess it is officially spring.  My elderly snowbird parents are coming home. That means they will stop by and stay with me and visit my sister before they return home.  My sister and I call it the dysfunctional circus coming to town.  My parents visiting has an upside, it insures that I clean my house top to bottom at least twice a year so that it can pass the white glove test.  What is up with my family.  They all have houses that are white glove ready at any moment.  My house is not ever as bad as it is now but usually it is not a total embarrassment but it is never as clean as theirs. It could be the very young kids but damm they must be cleaning fiends.

I have to tell the truth.  My parents visiting is very stressful and hard.  They are elderly, so my kids really tire them out.  I am constantly hoping my father is not trying to feed Baby A something allergic because he forgets that he is allergic. They shout alot because my father was in WWII and has had profound hearing loss that started when I was very young. He wears hearing aids but boy those people shout alot.  I even have to miss my friend Cecily’s Birthday, which is a yearly event I look forward to.  She always has the BEST dinner guests at a party.   I guess you are thinking why have them around?  Well, my Dad will be 82 in December. I really want my kids to have memories of him.  I tell you Wildman loves him like crazy.  When we go to visit my parents they really go out of their way to spoil the kids.  They find cheap fun things to do that we all can enjoy that does not involve alot of walking or sitting still.  My Mom found a beach near her house that had a fenced in playground so we could all go and enjoy.  She also has a few other playgrounds nearby that the boys call, “Grandma’s Secret Playgrounds”.  It is weird but it is easier to go to their house with the kids.  The kids are really good there.

Monday is a mere 50 or 60 hours away………………………………………. I can make it!

Primary Day is Tomorrow

I am a registered Democrat in Pennsylvania. I must confess I have no idea who I am voting for. Both candidates have their good points and bad points. I like how either, if elected, will be a groundbreaking leader for our country. I like a little of both ideologies.

If you are in Pennsylvania I urge you to vote tomorrow. I will be in the voting booth playing a game of rock, paper, scissors with myself, holding up the line.

RIP DeeDee

I tell you that we are fish obsessed. A day after my last post DeeDee was acting so lethargic and Goldie was nudging her around the tank. I finally started getting my Google MD in Goldfish. Poor DeeDee caught ICH, a terrible parasitic disease. After nap on Friday I ran off to the pet store to buy her a cure. Goldie also has ICH but to a lesser degree. We treated the water and waited. My husband was worried because in treating the water you cannot use the charcoal filter in the tank and the treatment robs the water of oxygen, so for aeration he turned up the filter. He then went off to study for his MCSE booster tests and I went to bed. At around midnight I went down to drag my husband to bed and DeeDee was attached to the intake of the filter. Dead dead dead. What was I to do?

I thought of lying to the kids but I slept on it and Wildman in the morning asked where DeeDee was. I told him she had died. Wildman got all teared up and told me he had loved DeeDee. I told him that I did too but it was her time to go. Later in the morning Baby A asked about DeeDee but I am not sure he understood when I told him she had died. He kept telling me that DeeDee went home to her Mommy.

Now we have a new fish. DeeDee II. Will the drama ever stop.

***EDITED***

I am regular fish killing machine.  Goldie died tonight too.

The Adventures of Goldie and DeeDee

Sorry folks this spring weather has me on the go go go. If I am not outside playing, we are at a park, or hiking, or just something. It is amazing and life is grand.

When Wildman was in the thick of the “Worst Winter Ever” we decided to make a sticker chart for behavior. He told me he wanted a fish. I was game. It took months but he filled the sticker chart with good deeds and behavior. Finally last week the chart was full. We went off to the aquarium store to get a fish. We decided to get a little aquarium with a filter and all. Wildman picked out a little goldfish. Baby A cried and cried because he wanted one too, so he got a little fish too that is gold and white. Wildman named his fish Goldie and Baby A named his fish, DeeDee.

When I got home I researched Goldsfish care. Geeze… There was more to this than I thought. If you overfeed them they float and get swim bladder issues. If you don’t change the water weekly the fish will die from some sort of imbalance. Also I read that the little fish are not well bred and will die soon. Great. I am on course to kill these fish in weeks! I am always now nervously looking in the tank for a floating dead fish or a fish with a swim bladder malfunction. Great another thing to be neurotically worried about.

On that note. Wildman is mildly interested in the fish. Baby A is very very into the fish. He wakes up at 3 am to tell me that he NEEDS to check on his DeeDee. Before he goes to bed he tells me how much he loves his DeeDee. He gets up early to go to see DeeDee, you get the picture. When I am home doing chores when Wildman is in school Baby A can be found on a step stool lovingly talking to his fish. A boy and his fish. It is a love story.

People it is SPRING

It is spring and it is lovely.  It is 8:15 PM and we just came in from playing outside.  This is the life for me.  It makes me cherish being home with my boys and working nights.  This evening a friend had us for dinner so I could look for some files on her computer, I love when the IT background comes in handy.  She also has a swingset in her yard which is another score.  We had a nice time and headed home.  When we arrived home all our new neighborhood friends were out.  They all came running when they saw my car.  We have one of the only garages and large driveway space on the block.  I opened the garage and the kids went to town.  It is the best. We had little ones on ride on toys and bigger kids playing basketball.  Parents wandered over and kept talking about leaving for dinner as it got darker and darker.  My neighbor with her 5 month old baby came out and we all passed the baby around.  The joys of a baby!! Wildman and Baby A are really doing well with the neighbor kids.  Wildman loves the older boys who are 6 and 7, and the girl who is 10.  They are extremely patient with him.  He emulates their older good behavior and it is very cool.  We also met another 3 year old for Baby A tonight.  Will the gifts ever stop?

Tomorrow morning I plan to spend as much time outside as I can before I have to go to work.  This is the time I wait for when it is cold.  I feel the possibilities are endless and the fun never stops.

He Won’t Be a Teenager in My Bed Will He Part 2

The one post on this blog that gets the most hits is this. I guess people have the problem of a kid in their bed and are ready for the kid to be out. Well, my husband and I are ready for him to be out with a capitol R. Baby A is getting tall, much taller lately and is taking up so much room. He gets hot and rolls around all night, which in turn keeps my husband and I up. Nothing is helping with getting him out. One night while trying to move him, he cried and cried till about 11:30pm. We had to let it go, because he was keeping Wildman up. I feel like I need to get someone to keep Wildman for a few nights so we can get over the crying associated with moving a mega cuddly co-sleeper to his own bed. It’s heartbreaking but he needs to fly the coop so to speak. I think we also need a bed for this boy.

Recently, we got a bunk bed for Wildman. Baby A wanted to sleep on the bottom bunk. He lasted for about 5 minutes before he was scared and calling for us. He tried a few times. Wildman would say Baby A it is ok I am here but that was not enough. He wanted to be burrowed next to me. The other issue is the crying. It tears me apart to hear my kids cry in the night. We never let Wildman cry it out and if he wakes from a dream occasionally, we go to him still. I can’t do the cry thing. Baby A gets distraught. He screams how scared he is and he wants to come back please. He then amps it up to please I am sorry please let me come with you. I need you!! I can’t take it. It makes my skin crawl to hear it. So here we are back at square one with a kid in our bed. He is so cute about it. Sometimes he hugs my husband and I and says we are all together. We sleep all together. He smiles and is all happy about it. Great. That makes this process worse and so much harder.

We have made Baby A’s room a fun place to be.  He has a bookshelf with books and assorted toys.  He regularly wants to go in his room, play toys, and read books.  He climbs in the crib to play sometimes and read sometimes.  We tell him that big boys sleep in their own beds.  His reply, “But Mommy I am a Baby”.

Maybe I need a giant bed?? Maybe Wildman and I need to go on vacation and let Dad deal with it?? (Somewhere tropical and exotic, of course)

Anyone need a BRAND NEW CRIB MATTRESS??

Post traumatic stress 4 years out?

Right before I got pregnant with Wildman in 2002 I started working at a lawfirm. A really really big lawfirm, in their IT dept. The job started as a temp position. While I was a temp I discovered I was pregnant with Wildman. I started quickly looking for permanent work, because my husband was unemployed and we had no health insurance. I actually paid for my own insurance for a few month to get the prenatal care. I interviewed at many jobs and suddenly the job I was at decided to hire me. At that point I was 14 weeks pregnant. I took it. I waited as long as I could to tell them I was pregnant. I think I must have been 22 weeks before I fessed up and boy was my boss mad. She did everything from there on out to make my life miserable!! I had no time off to start. The OB I loved had no evening hours. In a hormonal haze I told him my story. He was amazing. He let me come in and see him after hours every appointment. EVERY appointment. I never had to see his colleagues. I was very lucky. When the baby came I only had 6 weeks off because I had to be at the job a year to qualify as FMLA. I worked till I was 5 days overdue and went into labor at work!! Luckily my boss was out the day I went into labor and her fill in was mega compassionate and said GO HOME you are too pregnant to be here. My water broke 5 hours later.

After I came back to work they insisted on giving me a hard time about pumping. I was back after 6 weeks no way I was not going to make breastfeeding work. I learned to pump in less than 10 minutes. Eventually, my husband got a job and the baby was in a daycare near my job so that I could nurse him at lunch. I longed for that time to be with him. As soon as lunch hit I was running out the door to see my little boy. My awful boss would threaten me with taking my lunch away whenever I took longer than 10 minutes to pump. She wanted to suck every ounce of joy out of my life. I eventually got a new job when Wildman was 6 months old. Before I took the job I told them I was pumping and they were AMAZING about it. I went on to nurse Wildman till he told me he was done at 2.5 years.

My mentor at the awful job was a woman I will name P. She was in her late 40’s/early 50’s. She was so beautiful inside and out it hurt to look at her because she was so lovely with so much poise. She was also kind of mysterious. She had a daughter when she was very young and her daughter was not that much older than I was. P helped me learn my job. She was patient. She taught us and everyone who worked with us worshiped her. Eventually, she was offered the job as the low manager. The awful boss who was the middle manager made her life a living hell. She had the daily session of getting reamed out over nothing. One day soon after I left P just up and quit, no notice she walked out. She had been seriously bullied for months protecting all of her underlings the whole time. I applauded her and she wound up moving far away closer to family. Every so often she and I exchange emails like survivors of a terrible catastrophic event.

Last week one morning as I got out of the shower the TV was on. I never watch “Good Morning America”, but i was drowning out the sounds of the kids to get 10 minutes of peace before my husband went to work. They had a segment about bullies in the workplace. As I watched it I was transfixed, about 30 seconds in I started to cry. I could not stop thinking about that time, how I felt robbed of time with my baby, and how I felt about the abuse that P unjustly suffered. I had to email her out of the blue this week. She is well, with a new love and a newly married daughter. Rock on P, Rock on.