No No No Fucking No

I have two sisters. One is K, she is the boss and almost 13 years older than I am. My other sister P is eight years older than I am. Both raised me. I have memories of my Mom and Dad doing stuff with me but some of my strongest memories are of my sisters. They read to me, made up stories for me in the bathtub, and took me to the beach in the fall. They both feel as if I was their baby. My sister P is a 17 year cancer survivor. She had non-hogkins lymphoma when she was 32. She fought and fought. Newly married she decided before treatment to have a baby. Her son, C is now 18 and in college. She then fought her cancer. She used traditional and nontraditional methods of fighting her cancer. She eventually had a bone marrow transplant. She survived and thrived. She raised her son, maintained her marriage, and remained a vice president of a large bank even though all the cancer treatments left her with a deficit in the memory department. Wildman reminds me of her sometimes. She always needed to be busy and was always the best of all she did. Last year my parents held a huge 50th birthday party for her. She was their survivor. I was so glad to be there with the boys and with my husband. I traveled back in time that weekend and Wildman and Little Boy A still talk about it. This weekend when Wildman was in the hospital my Mom told me about my sister being sick. This is nothing new. Since her bone marrow transplant my sister gets every cold and virus that she comes near. Tonight I got a text message from my 25-year-old nephew W. The message was, What is going on with P. I was at work and called him immediately. His Mom, K was at a late night business meeting and he wanted to know if he should call her. So I called my Mom. My sister is not well. She had a tracheotomy tonight because she could not breath. She has a mass in her lung, could be cancer or massive infection. Her kidneys have failed and she is septic but is not in septic shock. They put her in an induced coma to facilitate her healing. Her outlook is grim. Pray Pray Hard. This is unreal.

Homework still sucks

What to tell you all in the 22 minutes I have between sleeping, picking up Little Boy A from the sitter, and getting Wildman from school.

Let’s talk homework.  Who in their godforsaken mind decided that kindergartners needed homework after a full day of school? Really people!!  The government is all worried about childhood obesity but my son has one twenty minute period of playground a day.  He gets out of school at 3:30pm and we walk home.  His homework takes between 45 minutes and 1.5 hours to complete depending on what he is doing and his ability to as he says “get his white blood cells to attack the adhd”.  This puts us at roughly 5 – 5:15pm.  He then goes out and runs for a 30 to 45 minutes before having to eat dinner and get to bed so that he can be successful at school the next day.

So goverment officials, tell me are you more concerned about this homework in kindergarten or obesity?  From my side I see you more concerned in homework because there are not enough hours in a day to get my kid the excercise his mind and body needs.  I can;t imagine how parents navigate this kind of schedule and take their kids to activities or parents who work full time that have to get homework and dinner done before bed.  It astounds me.

Where is the balance? I am feeling this culture of over worked minimal time off is indoctorinating children younger and younger.  I work very hard to make some sort of balance for Wildman but man him going to school complicated so much for all of us.

The Story

Saturday morning was just idyllic.  I let my husband sleep in and in exchange I was going to nap in the afternoon before I went to work.  The boys and I laid in a dog pile on the couch and watched a movie in our PJ’s.  After that I let each boy help make their breakfast.  They were being amazing to be with and they were getting along well.  We woke my husband up and we were going to get all the summer furniture and flower pots away, cover the central ac unit, pull up the remaining vegetables, and general outside stuff. We all got dressed and the boys were eager to help us and play outside.  As soon as we opened the garage door Wildman had his helmet on and was on his bike.

He headed down the driveway and turned onto the sidewalk but he did not have enough momentum going.  He fell onto the grass but the handlebar got him in the abdomen.  He got up and was walking then fell to the ground and had a seizure. He was not breathing after all the shaking so I shook him and he took a huge breath and opened his eyes.  During the seizure he lost control of his bladder and he woke up screaming and disorientated.    While all this was happening my husband was on the phone with 911 who were COMPLETELY useless.  Asked him our address 10 times and the woman was completely unhelpful.  Hung up on 911 threw a pee covered disoriented Wildman in the car, leaving my husband and Little Boy A in the driveway and I drove to CHOP.

We got there and they took him to trauma and had him with an IV, blood tests, and a CAT scan of his head and abdomen within 20 minutes.  He had elevated liver enzymes and pancreatic enzymes from the fall but no internal bleeding.  It took a while but he came around and was less groggy.  They were concerned about a possible perforation of his intestines and the seizure bothered them so they kept us overnight and till noon the next day.

CHOP were amazing.  They went over and beyond to make us comfortable.  We were right next to a playroom and showed us where another playroom was nearby.  They had a DVD player in his room and we brought all his favorite movies.  They gave me a pull out chair that converted to a bed although in the middle of the night he wanted me to sleep with him.  My sister helped with Little Boy A so that my husband could come and be with us for a while Saturday evening and Sunday morning.

Wildman went off to school today and his little life is going on like nothing happened.  My husband and I just started reacting.  My husband who never misses work called out even though he just has a cold. I feel like I am walking through jello.  Dodged a bullet.

Everyone from facebook and twitter were amazing.  Thank you dear in real life friends and internet friends.  You were so amazing to us and we are lucky for all your support.

We are home

We are home.  Wildman is well and cleared for school tomorrow.  My husband and I are raw and exhausted.  More tomorrow.

Just to make sure I post

Wildman is in the hospital.  He fell off his bike, had a seizure, and has an abdominal injury.  He is stable now but they are watching for a perforated bowel.   Will tell the whole story tomorrow.  I am home to shower and eat so that I can stay with him overnight.  Poor little one…..

Old friends, growing boys

Today a dear friend called me as I was dropping Wildman off at school.  Quickly into the phone, as she has hundreds of times before, she blurted hiking to the Hermit Cave this afternoon and as I have done hundreds of times to different outings before I quickly blurted out YES.

S is someone who I picked up at the park.  When I moved to my house and had Wildman I had very little time to meet other Mom’s.  I had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old due to my husbands unemployment and I had little time to meet other Mom’s and do typical “Mom” things. When I had Little Boy A in the summer of 2005 I finally felt like I joined the ranks of the Mom’s in my community.  Soon after Little Boy A was born I started frequenting a park where I have met most of the Mom’s in my neighborhood.  Actually I know over a 1/3 of Wildman’s kindergarten class from playgroups and time at the park during the summer/fall of 2005.  My friend S and I quickly fell into a familiar relationship.  We were forgiving of each others quirky pasts and discovered we had a friendship beyond our boys. When I returned to work after my maternity leave was over many of the stay at home Mom’s had little time for me.  Their weekends were filled with time for their husbands and extended family.  S went out of her way to schedule playdates on the weekends with me.  She held my hand as I tried to adjust to two kids in daycare and full time work.  When I finally gave up my dayjob she had a playdate-brunch for me the first Monday I did not go to my day job.  When our kids were younger we spent alot of time hanging out.  Time moved on and she started working in the day.  I was her sons first babysitter.  I still can feel the triumph of getting both of my boys and her son to nap ALL at the same time.  I used to email my husband, TRIPLE BOY SLEEPING HOO RAYY.  Eventually she worked more and more and so did I.  This year both Wildman and S are in the same class.  They are having similar challenges adjusting to school and it has brought S and I back in touch with each other in an almost daily way again.   It has been good to have her to bounce off feelings about the teacher and weathering the adjustment to being the Mom’s of school aged kids.

Today we were walking through the woods with boys who have had a long week of sitting in school. She mentioned a hike we did when Little Boy A was small.  I was trying to hike with a baby in a carrier and she was chasing after 2 – 2 years old boys running in different directions.  It was comical and I was revisiting that memory all day.  When she mentioned the same incident on the hike today I laughed.  It is amazing to me how much time is passing and how our boys are all growing.  It was nice to be with her and fall into familiar comfortable non judgmental ways.  It felt good.  The perfect balm for my soul.

Transit Strike

SEPTA, which is my cities transit provider is on strike.  The strike is creating headaches for so many and I hope this is resolved soon.  Traffic is nuts and the rail lines that still run are packed to capacity.

This strike is also creating headaches in my home.  My husband usually takes SEPTA to work on days that I also have to work.  I then meet him at work at 5:30 with the kids and the car.  He then drops me off at work and takes the kids home for dinner and bed.  Our new insanity is for him to motorcycle to work in the freezing cold.  He leaves work at 4pm to arrive home hopefully before 5 so that I can get the 5:03 train downtown.  If I am lucky I get to work at 6.  The train lines are slow because of the quadrupling of commuters taking these few trains that run.

Last night the train got stuck in the tunnel for a while so I decided to get off a stop before mine and walk.  It was a cool crisp night and the city lights were sparkling.  I walked down blocks I used to frequent but with the addition of the kids to my life I don’t have a ton of time to stroll around downtown. I was marveling at the changes that have taken place to certain blocks and I enjoyed the ghostlike memories of places and events.  It was so nice to just be me doing something that I love to do which is walking and people watching.  It is why I love the urban experience.  Maybe this transit strike is not so bad afterall.

Dreamland

Although I am a bartender, I know quite a few people who are sober.  It is good for me to know sober folks.  It reminds me that not everyone gets mired in the chaos of their disease and dies.  Many people fight the disease and become inspirational healthy individuals.

So last night was the first time I slept like a regular person in almost a week.  It was glorious to slip between the sheets in the dark like you are supposed to.  I found myself having insane dreams about being at the bar.  The most prominent one was of an acquaintance who I have known for many years.  She has never been a good friend just someone I know through my other sober friends.  She has been sober for a very long time.  I kept dreaming that I was bartending in my PJ’s and she was at the bar as I came on shift.  She started drinking and getting more and more abusive as she drank her face changed and she became uglier and uglier.

This morning as my husband came down he declared that he had horrible dreams about another sober friend relapsing and using speed. We have not seen this friend in a few years.  Weird.  Do we dream the same dream because our heads are close together?  I wonder what dreaming of recovering addicts relapsing means.

Well, I am off to work another night so I am on laundry and nap duties this morning.  Keep safe everyone.

Election Day

I feel so guilty.  I didn’t vote.  I forgot till about 5 minutes ago and we are in after hiking all afternoon.  I am just going to blame it all on that cheatin Jon Gosselin.

Anyway you should not follow my lead.  Go and vote.  Change the world.

Time change

This fall time change is creating havoc in my house.  Lovely children who have been sleeping till 7am are now awake and happy at 5:30 am.  I thought the very early mornings were over when the nap went away.  Now they don’t sleep enough and by 6pm want to go to bed because they got up so early and the vicious cycle continues.  This time change also means that I get to go to work in the dark.  Last night I went to work in what felt like the middle of the night.   I hate fall and I hate winter.  The only good thing about the winter is the days getting longer.  Enough bitching.

I went to a small Catholic elementary school.  I think my class had 62 kids. It was a place where you knew all the kids in class and they knew you.  It was as nurturing as a Long Island Catholic school could be in the 70’s and early 80’s.  With the arrival of Facebook I have reconnected with many of these people. Some I have had to unfriend because of opposing views and insulting comments.  I have found some have similar issues to mine.  One friend and I quote song lyrics like rock and roll crazed middle schoolers.  I think on average I have connected more with the people I went to elementary school with than high school friends.  Out of the blue, a friend emailed me to say she is going to be in my town on business and she wanted to stop by my bar.  This really was disconcerting.  I live hours and light years away from where I grew up.  I never just run into anyone I grew up with.  I remember this girl as having a shock of curly hair with a sweetie pie heart-shaped face.  To me, she looks exactly the same just a little older.  She is forever in 5th grade in my mind.  Should be an interesting reunion.