It has been a real cycle of life day. Cecily has a post up about a friend who committed suicide. I run into this every so often and I really could relate to her feelings of knowing someone at another time and another place and have them die so needlessly. It was at one point I thought I would loose her that way. Cecily, Sarah and Charlie were so mired in addiction that I prayed for them regularly. I remember hearing reports about their decent into full on insanity. I had to cut myself off because it hurt so much. I missed Cecily’s wedding to Charlie because I was afraid to get emotionally involved, and I will always regret that. Then we almost lost her with her pregnancy with the boys, Zachery and Nicholas. I was there for all of that but then again I kept my distance because I got pregnant the day she lost the boys, with Baby A. I would visit her and try to ignore that I was pregnant. I missed her 40th birthday this weekend and I was disappointed and sad to miss her celebration of life. I have known so many who never made it. It would of been nice to celebrate with her, Charlie, and Tori.
This weekend my Mom and Dad came to visit. My Dad is a WWII veteran. He aged this winter more than I thought he would. He let Wildman and Baby A crawl all over him and he was happy with it but it bruised him up. If he makes the next year I will be surprised. He looks unwell and needs to see his doctors in NY. Seeing him made me sad. I didn’t appreciate him enough, I didn’t spend enough time. The guilt is rearing it’s ugly head, but I am glad the boys have this time with him. We will visit him in NY for my sisters 50th birthday in June and we will visit again in July. My husband is on board because he can see the decline and I am scared.
DeeDee II died as my parents arrived.
